Thursday, January 3, 2013

Have a Sparkly Day

I had an interesting morning at work today. One of my supervisors led me to the Christmas section of the store, unveiled a giant kiddie pool full of glitter, and told me to swim around in it for three hours. In other words, I was asked to repack all of the "Christmas Pick" items.

Christmas Picks are very glittery. They're basically small decorations shaped like various holiday flowers and leaves, and coated with several layers of glitter that I swear are applied with nothing but static electricity. As soon as you open a box of these things, you get blasted in the face with a cloud of sparkles -- which then attach themselves to you via static electricity. Even if the Picks are already on the shelves, seemingly cleaned of all the loose glitter, and you just move one aside slightly, you'll wind up covered head-to-toe with the stuff. It's inescapable.

We had an entire aisle of Picks left over from Christmas (probably because the customers don't like glitter either) and they all had to come down today. Thus, I spent the majority of my shift looking like a walking, human-shaped disco ball. I forced myself to think negative thoughts all morning for fear that thinking happy thoughts would cause me to float off the ground like Peter Pan and be skewered by one of the ceiling fans. I also ran to my car as quickly as possible after work for fear that Bella Swan might see me sparkling in the sunlight and try to date me.

And here's a helpful tip to anyone who might end up repacking glittery sale items themselves some day: if you come across a pine cone that broke off of one of the decorations, do not pick it up. Pine cones from Christmas decorations are like glitter hand grenades. They store massive clumps of the stuff inside all of their crevasses, and as soon as you pick one up, it will deposit those clumps all over you in a shiny, colorful explosion.

It didn't end after I finished repacking the Picks either, because then there were piles and piles of glitter left on the shelves. I had to sweep it all together and dump it into a garbage bag, which then sprung a leak, and I had to leave a long trail of it lying on the floor in that aisle while we had our daily sales meeting. I'm pretty sure I performed other duties after cleaning up the mess, but I'm not certain since my glass lenses were coated with glitter.

I also saw the movie Jack Reacher today. That film has no glitter in it. Therefore, I give it an "A+."

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